


1971: Walking the Walk

by busaikko



Series: Autumn Stories [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: scarvesnhats, M/M, Marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-17
Updated: 2005-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-13 10:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/busaikko/pseuds/busaikko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius asks Remus to teach him the Hogwarts' Rules.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1971: Walking the Walk

Sirius noticed that most of his new friends had adopted a scuffling walk recently. The reason, he ascertained, after watching a herd of Hufflepuffs make a particularly entertaining tumble down the stairs, was that the school was suffering a severe shortage of bootlaces. Why this should be, however, was a total mystery.

He also noticed that his fellow first years seemed to have abandonned the English language in favour of an odd slang. He overhead whispers about “sixers” and “niners,” and “drangles” and “gimlets” and “tips” and “flamers." He’d seen one fight break out over whether a “virgie” was a “noner” or a “oner”: it was stopped by a seventh year, who told the fighters to “learn the Hogwarts’ rules.”

“Lupin,” he whispered urgently as they were heading back from Greenhouse One after several unpleasant hours tracking down a batch of escaped Looking-over Clover. “What are Hogwarts rules?”

Remus stopped short, and Sirius walked into him, knocking him down and incidentally out of his boots. “Don’t you play?” Remus asked, looking and sounding amazed.

Sirius grabbed away one of Remus’ boots and held it out of reach. “Play _what_?”

Remus looked around. “Conkers, Black, what did you think, tea-party?” Sirius began swinging the boot back and forth, as if winding up to pitch it through the library window. “Haven’t you ever—look, come with me and I’ll _show_ you. It’s brilliant,” he said, letting Sirius’ glare go right through him. “We don’t get to play with magic until fourth year, Hogwarts’ rules, but there are all kinds of tricks.”

He pushed himself up and headed down the hill towards the Forest. Sirius found himself forced to trail behind, if only to return Remus’ boot. “The teachers don’t allow it, they say too many bones get broken, so you have to do it in secret, but you should see the upper years play, they do flaming conkers and levitating conkers and human conkers, you have to sneak in to see them, but well—“ Remus shrugged. “You need to play conkers,” he said with a wicked smile. “It’s violent and pointless and proscribed and great good fun. I’m sure you’ve a natural talent for it.”

And after a week of hard training with Remus Lupin, Sirius proudly scuffed his way through school after his fifth victory, his pockets making a knocking sound as his sixer hit his ink bottle, and hummed The Hogwarts’ Rules with the fervor of one who has found religion.

* * *

“The Hogwarts’ Rules” and Fight Song

Our boys have got their conks  
And our girls have got their drangles  
There's smashing violence all around  
For every nut that dangles!

Chorus:  
Oh, is your conker hard enough?  
Won’t you come and have a go?  
We'll knock our conks together now  
Until one of them explodes!  
(background vocals: nuts, nuts, nuts, nuts, chesty-chesty-chestnuts!)

Hogwarts' rules are fair and strict:  
At conkers we don't cheat!  
No vinegar soaking, potions, or spells,  
No baking in the heat!  
(( chorus ))  
Strikers, let your conkers drop  
You’ve two chances to hit hard—  
If your conker's squishy you'll  
Be hoist by your own petard!  
(( chorus ))  
Drop the string and you'll get stamped  
Unless “no stamps!” is called;  
A glancing blow is“Tips!” and then  
The striker may be mauled!  
(( chorus ))  
Hogwarts’ players know the rules  
We even know how to count:  
We start as oners, then go to two,  
We never add the amount!  
((chorus))


End file.
